Yet another personal war, this time it's commercialism.

Commercials of late have become long strings of bad punch lines. They do this because they think that if they can make us laugh then we're hooked. What they don't know is that we don't go to our TV's so we can be updated on the newest of useless products, but because we want to escape the bordem that is our lives, and commercials are just reminders of all the things we have to do once we hit that power button thus transitioning our consciousness back to reality. That's why we channel surf everytime our favorite shows fade to black, we can't stand seeing ourselves buying that new car or shopping at a grocery store and that's why commercials never truly work, because deep down we abhore them. We know that despite its innocuousness there's still that message beneath it all saying "Buy our product!" and you know that you're just another number on a pie chart to them.
You're probably all wondering where the skeptical bits are in this. Is this just another editorial from a pissed off liberal? Well first of all screw you, I am hardly liberal. Secondly I enjoy capitalism as much as the next guy, but I can't stand when corporations lie to you so that you'll buy their products.
I recently saw a commercial for some grocery store, where a lady walks up to the seafood counter in some brand x hypothetical super mega grocery mart and orders a speckled trout. The man hands her the fish and watches her as she begins to leave, then says something to the effect of "would you like some tires with that fish?" she looks at him oddly then sidles away. Then we get hit with the tag line "Keep shopping simple." or something. Bare with me here I'm operating on memory.
The point is this...has anyone ever...ever had this problem? Has anyone ever pandered tires to you as you purchase your standard speckled trout? NO. It hasn't. It will never happen because there isn't a grocery store in the world that would have fish and auto parts in the same department. If there is I stand corrected but I'm willing to bet there isn't. I know the really big places can have groceries, clothes electronics etc. but this kind of thing will never happen to anyone, and that my dear readers is a false premise.
They intentially and knowingly lied so that they could make their punch line and hook you, based solely on how charming they are. Shit forbid they have a quality product to sell, but who needs quality when you've got a douche bag sense of humour.
Look here's a monkey stealing a wopper from a dude...hilarious! Now here's a stick of chewing gum with a scottish accent...scottish accent? Well that's inherently funny, I'll take ten.

Intellectually dishonest marketing tactics should be made illegal, and replaced with ads that are truthful and include warnings on the products if they're at all hazordous to your health. For instance you could have a kid really enjoying a mars bar as most of us would but then you could make him toothless and three hundred pounds, and the tag line could be "Mars, delicious, but monitor your eating habits, or you could end up like Billy" then a final shot of the chubby kid with chocolate smeared across his face and sporting a gummy grin.

Commercials lie and make us stupid. Turn your TV off for the two minutes between brakes or pay the price of ignorance.

-Beaker